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Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Spiders are terrible planners

I realize Spring has sprung, but these spiders are out of their flipping minds. I was minding my business in the kitchen when I felt something bounce off my face and land in my coffee cup. IT WAS A GODDAMN SPIDER. My beautiful drink was ruined by a swimming spider.

I was mad as shit. Normally I live and let live, but this time I tried to let him drown. Touch my face and my cappuccino, you got to die. But it didn't because, yes, it could tread espresso. I tossed the whole cup onto a bush in our yard. Liquid everywhere but the spider waved at me as I went back into the house.

The next day we went frolicking in the sun for a couple hours. We return to cobwebs-in-progress over our front door. I take one step and I'm covered in creepy crawly tendrils. Hours. We were gone hours. Who does that?!

Spiders must have the worst time management skills of all the insect world. Do they sit around planning their day: "Bob, you map out that car. They haven't used it in an hour. Let's web that window and side mirror. They don't use those in boiling hot weather. Max, you're on door duty."

Sorry for the short post today. My sinuses feel like they are trying to burst out of my face. On a side note: this is what happens when you nap at our house.


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