Monday, February 25, 2013

The lawn anti-thief

Remember how my yard was ravaged then we were beset by suicidal rodents and I ranted about animal control? Well, now we have a new installment in the cray-cray that is our relationship with urban flora and fauna: a weeding bandit!
partially weeded yard
I was walking through the yard and I realize part of the vast sea of pretty flowering weeds had been soundly ousted. Since the clover looking things are fairly pretty and die off in Spring, I was surprised Husband-cat chose to exert himself on yard clean up. Especially since he's pressed for a March 1 project deadline. I mention it to him and get the "Why on earth would I do that?" look in return.

This left Mother Magoo as the dark horse. She can't actually kneel due to her bad knees and she doesn't give a damn about our yard as far as I know so I was even more puzzled. My sleep deprived brain decides she was yanking a weed or two every time she came over to do laundry and leaving a nice little pile by the gate. Which is bizarre, but kind of made sense until I ask her and she laughs in my face.

She informs me that "people" find weeding relaxing so maybe someone was just trying to chill out. Which is just really fucking weird. We are home all the time and we keep our front gate closed. This means someone, in search of relaxation, weeded the sidewalk adjacent yard, then felt compelled to enter my yard without being seen to get their weeding fix.
 amber waves of weeds
I imagine them passing our house every day, shaking their head at our lush and completely untrimmed clover-flower field. The pressure builds and the greenery grows. They get more judgmental about our neglect and poor life choices. They tell their friends who secretly think the whole thing's silly. Then they snap. They weed the front area madly, screened from our view by the hedge, but it just isn't enough! They have to sneak in when we're not looking and frantically yank weeds. Faced with an undulating field of flowers, they suddenly come to their senses and realize their exposed position. Deeply ashamed of themselves, they slink off to a yardless apartment nearby. They order yet another gardening magazine and resolve to walk on the other side of the street from now on.

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  1. Don't leave me hanging. Will we ever know? Are you sleep walking again? Is it a nesting rodent? I do love the clover everywhere.

    1. I'm not sure we'll ever know. I stare suspiciously at all my neighbors now for good measure.


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