Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Accidents with children

A woman hit my shiny car with her gigantic fucking "safe" minivan yesterday. She did this because she "didn't see us". This is funny on two levels. One, I think minivans have crap visibility so that confirmed my pre-existing bias against them. Two, my car is a bright yellow cube. If you can't see it, you have temporarily lost use of your eyes.

We were waiting to leave a parking lot when this genius backed straight into us. African Dan was with me and he saw the inexorable advent of her car. He did something I (later) found hilarious. He yelled "honk, honk, honk!" and tapped on the glass like she could hear him. I was like, "What on earth---AAAAAAAAAAAAH!" I honked but she was hitting us by then.

She slammed right into my rear passenger door. Pretty much the entire door got crumpled. So of course the first thing she says when she gets out is, "So it wasn't like that before?" Um, you mean did it have a giant dent the shape and color of your fender? No. No, it did not.

Thank God Baby Flails-a-lot was at home with the babysitter. I was calm and rational while we were exchanging information, but the fluttering in my stomach told me things could have been different. If Baby Flails-a-lot had been with me I may have gone ape shit on her. It was a straight from the Id, a no-you-fucking-didn't-just-hit-my-baby type of a thing. Just a flash of how I would have felt if she had been in car, brought on by seeing her car seat through the crumpled door's window. The thought made me queasy. Not so crazy to feel it, of course, but she had two elementary school age kids with her. I realized I might have opened a can of whoop ass regardless. In my mind it went down like this:

Friend: "How was your day?"
Me: "I attacked a woman in front of her children, while screaming completely unintelligible curses....and then I was arrested."
Friend: "So, not good?"

Alternatively I would have freaked the fuck out and obsessively monitored Baby Flails-a-lot like she was a science experiment for weeks to make sure she was sound. "No, I need to MRI her head. Didn't you see the dent in my car?!" Or burst into tears. Equally likely, I suppose.

I guess the moral of the story is: always look ALL around when you're backing up, minivans are evil and don't attack other people.

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  1. Yikes... well, I spent the weekend with my family in Las Vegas, and we went out Saturday morning to get something from my sister's car ... and there was a huge gash in the front bumper. Someone hit the car in the night (or morning) and decided not to even say anything or leave a note... so, nothing surprises me anymore.
    Glad you are alright and that super cheeks was not in the car!

  2. You want to be surprised. You really do. Even as the other driver was spouting platitudes I wondered if I would spout the same in her situation. What do you say? Oops, just doesn't cover it. I didn't give it any energy, just let her do what she needed to do get the process done.


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