Monday, July 23, 2012

Don't die from stupid: parenthood edition

I'm learning, a year and a half into it, that parenthood doesn't keep you from having stupid thoughts. It keeps you from acting on them even if the child isn't with you. This, despite having rules against such things.

Case in point: I was taking a friend (sans baby) to the bus stop. Her bus was early--as in, already pulling away from the bus stop early. As in, the next bus won't be here for an hour early. So I was not about to make my friend miss the bus.

Me: "Be cool. I'll just whip around the bus and cut that motherfucker off. There's plenty of visibility. I'll get you on that bus. No worries."
Pause while I consider the words flying out of my mouth.

Me: "Wait, shit. I have a child, I can't do that....New plan, we'll stalk the bus and the minute it stops, I'll zip to the next stop and you'll be golden."
Friend: "Not as awesome as cutting the bus off, but workable."

Then, out of spite, the bus skipped the next four stops.

On the one hand, cutting a bus off is never a good idea. You can die that way. I never would have thought about doing that if Baby Flails-a-lot was with me. But I realized that when I'm alone, it's not necessarily the existence of the child that keeps me from acting out. "I have a child," really translates into "and a partner who expects me to act responsibly in raising said child." The thought of facing my partner after getting maimed doing something idiotic makes my blood run cold. If I died, I'd have to sit around Heaven waiting for Husband-cat to arrive so we could have a massive fight. He'd barely be past the Pearly Gates before the yelling would start.

Now that we have Baby Flails-a-lot, I have to ask myself: Could I defend this set of decisions from, say, a hospital bed? Would I possibly lose of all decision-making rights in my relationship if my thoughts were known? Yes? Then I guess I won't do that. Anything to not go through life having conversations like this:

Me: "Did you get the chocolate chip ice cream I asked for?"
Hub: "No. You cut off a bus! I got vanilla. No more chocolate chip for you."
Me: "Fine!"
Hub: "Good!"
Me: "Great!"

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  1. indeed ... if only other people with children felt the same way ... it is what I think when I see my lil sis trying to text and drive. As I yank away her phone, I am screaming inside my head: "And you want to have children?"

    I picture my nieces and nephews either in the back seat while she texts ... or at home crying if she texts and crashes ... you get the picture.

  2. It should be a relief that you have this filter, right? Seems like a fair amount of people don't. Let's not even get into people who take their three month old to a midnight showing of Batman on opening night...

  3. Yes to both of those! We all have the thoughts, but we need filters. So many things *sound* like a good your head. Your metric for reality should never be your own opinion.


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