Monday, July 16, 2012

The 'cloud' is not my friend

I remember when Husband-cat started talking about storing data in the "cloud" (i.e. online). How it would be stupid easy to back up your files and they would (relatively) inviolable from mishap. Then Apple started streamlining the process and Dropbox popped off and now "the cloud" is catchphrase in commercials.

At first I was skeptical, but that was before we traded in our brick stupid Razrs (may they burn in the hell reserved for bad design) for iPhones and succumbed to the iPad disease (an impaired decision made in the haze following Baby Flails-a-lot's birth so we could read during 3am feedings). On top of our TiVo and personal PCs, we are awash in connected technology. So we dutifully started hooking our devices up to each other and to web based cloud services, expecting a super streamlined life to automatically appear and what we have is fucking chaos.

In order to send five current pictures of Baby Flails-a-lot to a friend in France, I had to upload the images from my camera to the iPad because my goddamn computer can't read the camera chip and only the Lord knows where the camera cord is. Then I had to pick out each picture manually to upload to Dropbox because there is no "select all" option in moving files on an iPad and the fools at Apple refuse to make it simple for your pictures to synchronize.. Then I had to go back onto my computer and download all the pictures from Dropbox so I could attach them to the damn e-mail. This took me three weeks to do because I got distracted at every step.  And mind you, everything else shows up automatically on every damn Apple product you own -- e.g., I get a clothing app on my phone, so does Husband-cat -- BUT NOT THE DAMN PICTURES.

Now I have pictures uploaded everywhere -- my computer, Dropbox, the Ipad, my phone and the camera. I was so proud of myself for starting to upload all my files onto our Dropbox account, but I only made it halfway before there was an error and everything duplicated and I was told there was a "syncing problem" that I have to magically fix.  So the chaos which used to be restrained to my computer is now leaking onto all our other devices and cloud accounts.

I just tried to update my iPhone's software, but that made my computer explode and shriek at me that it didn't have any memory left. I told it to stop being a wussy and it gave me the blue screen of death (otherwise known as the computer fuck you). I'm becoming an invisible hoarder. Everything looks clean and lovely but then you turn on my computer or phone or any other effing device we have laying around and suddenly files and photos are vomited all over you and no one can find anything.

Well, at least the house is clean.

Ha ha.

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