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Thursday, July 19, 2012

Always good to have a plan if she's dead


When we moved back to Oakland from Buffalo we sent She Who Must Be Obeyed ahead of us. We sent her cargo in the world's biggest animal container -- I think it was for a German Shepherd -- because we didn't want her to feel claustrophobic. She probably felt like a peanut in a boxcar. Mother Magoo and Aunt MacGuff picked up the "package" at something like 1:00am, expecting our cranky ball of fur too be even more complainy than usual. Instead, the container was quiet--too quiet.

Halfway through the drive home Mother Magoo began to worry about the lack of movement and sound. Mother Magoo was concerned because Aunt MacGuff does not like death. She has more than enough personal experience with it already. So Mother Magoo kept the talk normal but began feverishly concocting a way to not add a dead cat in a shipping container to Aunt MacGuff's list of experiences. Mother Magoo, it must be said, shines in situations like this.

They pull in the driveway. In a burst of brilliance Mother Magoo says, "I don't want to upset you, but She Who Must Be Obeyed is an old cat and she's been awfully quiet. She might be, well, not to put too fine a point on it, dead. If she is, I will take care of everything. We'll take the case into the house and open it. If she has passed away, I'll take her away and you can pretend it never happened."

Aunt MacGuff okays this course of action. They gird their loins and bring the case in. In the corner of kennel is a lump wrapped in a blanket. They open the door while calling the cat's name. Nothing. Mother Magoo pulls out the blanketed form. Still nothing. They start to unwrap her. Dead weight.


When Mother Magoo uncovers her furry head, She Who Must Be Obeyed screams, "Rerrrroww!" right in her face, leaps up, clearing both of them, and flings herself under the couch. Mother Magoo and Aunt MacGuff scream at each other in surprise for a while until they realize she's gone. Then they check each other over for symptoms of heart attack, have a cup of tea and swear to never, ever pet sit for anyone ever again.


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