Monday, June 25, 2012

I've joined the club...

...of people who buy their kids too much shit. Or maybe the club of people who buy unnecessarily girly crap due to EVERYTHING being too damn frilly and pink for girls. Don't get me wrong, I dress Baby Flails-a-lot in offensively adorable clothing as often as possible, but in toys I stay firmly in the bright, primary colors instead of pastels. I mean, ick, I have to look at that stuff too and who really wants a pepto-bismol house. Outside of the sexist pigs who think baby girls should be drowned in it and the women who agree, of course.

This is what I wanted:

My cousin's daughter had this in their house, replete with wooden food and pans. Baby Flails-a-lot fell in love with it. Once we got back I started scanning craigslist for what the locals could produce. Much as I loved it, those things are bajillion dollars and you have to assemble them yourself. Since it took Husband-cat and I three hours to assemble a bloody Ikea canopy which really should have been up in thirty minutes, pre-assembled seemed like a good idea.

This is what I got.

(A Kidkraft pink retro kitchen)

Turns out parents just jettison toys at amazing markdowns because children can accumulate things so quickly with each new developmental stage. For half the price of just the stove I got the whole disgustingly pink kitchen as well two overstuffed grocery bags full of fabric food, tin pans, aprons, toy utensils and whatnot for free. I literally staggered away from the seller's house, bogged down in extras.

It is pink and horrible, but a) I love it and b) I plan to stuff it with ninja and skullhead dolls. Hopefully Baby Flails-a-lot won't rip the doors off of it and jump up and down on it (she did that to a lunchbox Mother Magoo gave her last week). Also, my initial amazement at the seller's largesse has worn off as the living room is now awash in felt cupcakes and pancakes. My current plan is take all of Baby Flails-a-lot's old toys, all fifty pounds of it, and sneak into some other toddler-having mother's house and fill her living room with it. Good morning! The crap fairies have left you stuff, you lucky dog! Change your locks!

Some people believe in paying it forward, I believe in ninja-ing it forward.

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