Tuesday, November 15, 2011


Everyone should have goals. Even if you don't meet them it can be good to share your ideas with others. My experience of Halloween this year was utter failure. We were exhausted by the time All Hallow's Eve rolled around. Travel, illness, new parent exhaustion, work overload conspired against our reaching the previous year's awesomeness. My weekend was spent devouring dark Reese's peanut butter cup minis by the bagful and wondering why no one wanted to walk up our unlit pathway through our giant dark yard and knock on the dimly lit blood red door to ask for candy. Our porch light was on, dammit.

Since none of my genius ideas saw the light of day, I will now relay them to you so someone can appreciate/imitate them. You only get one Halloween with an infant, after all.

Costume #1: Mary and the Infant
We're talking old-school Byzantine halo -- no glowing circle but a giant gold disc to indicate holiness. And tons of eye make-up and embroidered cloth robe.
Pro of costume: comfy!
Con: blasphemous.

Costume #2: Mad scientist
Dress the baby as a mad scientist with the world's tiniest Don King wig, lab coat, and a drawn on mustache. Parents can be Frankensteins or other hideous stitched together being.

Costume #3: Vampirelord
Teeny tiny cape and tuxedo suit, drawn on fangs and widow's peak for baby. Parents can be dead victims covered in tiny fang marks or enslaved vampires dressed in rags.

Costume #4: Zombie master
This was the one I really wanted to do. Really grotesque costumes for Husband-cat and I, cute costume for Baby Flails-a-lot just to give it an unsettling contrast. I was also thinking we'd be chained to the baby by our necks just to make clear we were her mere minions (art imitating life).

Most of my other ideas involved dressing up Baby Flails-a-lot as food (pie and a turkey drumstick were my favorites). Alas, no parent-infant costume for me. It is time for me to let this year's ideas go. I hope you enjoyed them and suggest them to your friends with Halloween babies.

Although I could dress Baby Flails-a-lot up as a turkey leg for Thanksgiving....

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