Tuesday, April 5, 2011

It has begun!

Baby Skullhead has achieved externality!

This is our second month of post-birth adventures in the pod that is our house. So far we've only left it a handful of times and we've gotten to know her in her new, post-parasitic role as les infante terrible of our happy home. In honor of her new station in life I award her the new, more appropriate name: Baby Flails-a-lot! Welcome o' flinger of limb and crier of tears!

Its been quite a bucket of crazy:
- They say babies don't know how to go to sleep, this is a lie. The truth is that if sleep were a live being, babies would stab it over and over again screaming, "Die! Die! Die!"
- They talk about post-partum depression but fail to mention that short of depression you still have a whole new batch of hormonal side effects. Hello, hot flashes, night sweats, 24-7 anxiety and even more nightmares.
- They say it takes three months for the baby's digestive system to "mature". This means until then the baby is screamingly uncomfortable, possibly painful and hateful of the entire process.
- They say babies make a variety of noises. Unsaid is that these noises do not sound human. It sounds like a miniature wildebeest on a rampage.
- They say you will love the baby more than anything in your life. You will also hate the baby more than anything in your life. It may only last seconds, but it happens.
- They say babies have the magical power of making the worst day in the world better by being cute. This is true.

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