Friday, January 28, 2011

The faux husbands

During Christmas season Eeyore returned to his spawning place of North Carolina. For some reason, either love or distrust of our ability to stay out of trouble (I vote for the latter) he called to check in on us. Of course we regaled him with tales of The Hub's injuries and illness and my sudden inability to walk without astonishing hip joint pain. Then we added our story about leaving our car unlocked (stupid key fob doesn't work if any door is improperly shut) and finding it ransacked. The crazy thing is that the thieves didn't take anything! They rifled through our glove compartment, threw around our paperwork, but managed to bypass my expensive sunglasses and the Hub's wallet, which had fallen out of his pocket the night before. Irony! But I digress…

Wait, no, need to digress further – the basement also flooded because we had freak rainfall (10 inches in a night, not normal for Oakland) and we hadn't turned on the sump pumps. And did I mention that a creek runs right under our house? And that we're at a low point for the entire area? So yeah, we had a bit of water to deal with. It was a barrel of monkeys. On PCP. Though we felt better than Lolo, whose bedroom is in her family's basement. Turns out they have a frickin' drainage trench behind the back wall of the basement. A trench! Suffice it to say that she had to doss down with Grandma Lolo for a few days while things dried out.

Anyways, these tales were met with a disbelieving silence such that we thought he had been disconnected. Until he said, "I've been gone less than a week. How did you manage to break yourselves so quickly? *sigh* I'll be back next week. Don't do anything until then!" I could hear his eyes roll. Yes, you can hear that on the phone.

Thus, the faux husband brigade was born! They are as follows:
Husband #1: Husband-cat, the original model
Husband #2: Lolo
Husband #3: Eeyore
Husband #4: Stormee
Jazzybelle: the Interior Designer
Organizers: Mother Magoo and Aunt MacGuff

They all have different specialties which somehow include pestering me. Eeyore focuses on moving heavy things and saying, "What's next? Done! What's next???" It becomes a race for me to get stuff done and packed so he can move it. Lolo's specialty is putting things together and keeping me focused on baby stuff. The first time she came over I gave her a list that included putting together a bike rack, unpacking a soda maker and testing an espresso maker. She looked at me kindly and said, "That's nice Ish, what needs to be done IN THE NURSERY?" (In my defense, we still have a lot of stuff in boxes, and setting up the kitchen should count as baby preparation, dammit.) Stormee's forte is arranging all baby stuff so it'll be intuitive and completely set up for the first six months Baby Skullhead's here. And asking me if there's anything else the baby needs (which requires me to have any idea what I already have). Mother Magoo and Aunt MacGuff organized 10 bags of baby clothes into discrete age/size groupings. Jazzybelle drove me bonkers by his need for the nursery to actually be, y'know, empty so he could get to work. Now every time I turn around the nursery is getting more and more amazing and embarrassing the rest of the house. Did I mention we also have a handyman working through a page long list of tasks?

All in all, with literally a crew of people supporting us, Baby Skullhead will have a beautiful space to come home to whenever she arrives. I don't know how I ever thought I would get all this done single-handedly but I feel singularly loved to have so many people in my life willing to spend their time and energy making a beautiful home for my baby and forcing me to get shit done. Apparently, left to our own devices, The Hub and I would be in traction and Baby Skullhead would be in a box. Let's hear for the village!

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