Sometimes you need to get into reality. Put aside defiance and delusions and step into fact. Towards that end, The Hub and I have started a birth preparation class. Positive: preparation reduces the fear. Negative: holistic people are completely insane on the whole your-body-will-know-what-to-do theory. This body? The one that loves sugar and craves salt? That REALLY sounds like a body I should trust. Right now that body is telling me I should burst into tears because an ad for depression meds is on television. When I get up from my chair, my body will tell me to lie in a fetal position because the ligaments of my lower abdomen never want to stand upright. Ever. Yeahh, that body is a fucking genius.
At our first birth prep class they played a tape of methods to work through contractions: vocalizations, deep breathing, massage, using different positions, etc, showing real women going through labor with their partners/families. The women and their partners even talk about their experiences. Useful, right? Informative. Real.
Unfortunately both Husband-cat and I were hypnotized by how godawful each and every one of these women looked. Couldn't even focus on what they were saying because their words, "Oh it didn't even occur like pain" were contradicted by the fact that they looked like they just took a trip through a cement mixer. It's like trying to listen to an exceptionally good-looking person. Even though you are making all the right I'm-listening noises, all you can think is "prettttttttty" and watch their mouths move. The birth tape was just like that, only it was the horrible car-accident version where all you can think about is how horrifying the scene is.
Our second class is today. If they show another video I plan to close my eyes and make Husband-cat watch. There's only so much reality I can take at once.