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Monday, November 15, 2010

Prenatal Yoga makes me violent

I don't know if I can make it through another prenatal yoga class without bludgeoning the instructor death with my foam roll. The yoga workout itself is great, but after each workout the instructor has us form a women's circle so we can get our New Age share on. That half of the yoga session is crazy-making. Sure, there are some useful nuggets of information, but there is so much drivel in between that I can barely keep it together.

The most egregious nonsense--and the experience that sent me running to the prenatal yoga dvd aisle--came during a conversation between a robustly pregnant lady and the instructor. After some back and forth about how staring at leaves was calming to preggers while working in the office was not, the instructor kindly offered pregs the opportunity to join her on an outing. She concluded this offer with the following statement: "Go to the redwoods. They will hold you." I kid you not.

This was followed by a reflective silence where we could all marinate on the profundity of her words before moving on to the next woman in the circle. I have no idea what the next woman said. My head was reverberating with the ridiculous phrase "The redwoods will hold you." All I could think of was the image of mutant redwoods planted on nuclear waste growing arms and holding this gigantic pregnant woman and cooing "there, there" with their tree lips. It was all I could do to no burst into maniacal laughter and crow "That’s what happens when you plant on nuclear waste, b'wahahahahahaha!" I don't know if it was the phrase which sent me or the instructor's I'm-so-deep tone of voice, but I was done. I had to go home and watch something violent and eat red meat to get the crazy off. And that damn image and phrase have been bouncing around my skull ever since.

2 comments:

  1. Ah...the joys of living so close to Berkeley??

    ReplyDelete
  2. I don't know - I think its endemic to the whole system!

    ReplyDelete

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