Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Ah, the first trimester. Joy.

There are quite a few things about pregnancy that aren't in the sanitized media pamphlet of motherhood that's peddled in common conversation. Like the fact that pregnancy sucks. People say it isn't for sissies, but they are mistaken. It isn't for anyone. It’s a hell to be gone through because you want kids, and by God, this is what it takes.

For me, first trimester of pregnancy was like having a hideous stomach flu, an angry tapeworm, and only three functioning brain cells. Motivation: gone. Productivity: gone. Focus: gone. I spent three months on the couch, barely conscious, watching the worst television imaginable – I've now seen every incarnation of "The Real Housewives of…" series, for instance.

Nothing anyone said would have made that fun, but the process would have been easier if someone had told me, "This will suck, but no pain, no freakin' gain." That would have been so much more helpful than the "Ooooh, this will change everything, it's so spiritual, it's so wonderful, blah, blah, blah" you get here in the Bay Area.

That said, second trimester is a glorious paradise, like Catholic jewel-encrusted Heaven after Dante's Circles of Hell. Before I went through the endorphin-laden, energy-filled second trimester productivity boost, I could never understand the notion that women could "forget" the pain of childbirth enough to go through it again, but now I understand! These last three months have been great. Husband-cat can bring up a second theoretical baby without lasers shooting out of my eyes, thus depriving him of one his favorite first trimester verbal jabbing sticks. Oh well, he still has the crazed hormone-fueled rants to play with.

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