Friday, March 7, 2014

Morale is low

Sorry for the massive blogging absence. A series of shitty things happened interspersed with lovely moments. Overall, we are doing well, but I've spent most of the last three months being ill or taking care of an ill toddler. She started back at daycare last month and made it a grand total of six days out of the whole month. This month she hasn't made it in once.

Unfortunately I can only keep positive for about a week or two of illness (mine or hers) before I want to put my fist through a window. Keeping that creeping, wearing despair at bay takes some doing. Something about holding my baby while she coughs until she cries from the pain just fucking kills me inside. Only a week or two out of each month is spent in this survival state but it feels like forever when its happening. When me and Toddler Flails-a-lot are healthy the despair disappears like it never existed. A blessing, that.

The other incredibly painful thing that happened is that I found out a friend of mine I thought was living overseas had in fact died and his goddamn insular family hadn't told anyone. I realize everyone deals with grief differently but not to tell anyone? I want to scream, "You're not the only ones who loved him!" A goddamn obituary is appropriate. His facebook page is now a series of posts of his friends discovering he's dead and begging for information they won't get. I have all his worldly possessions in my basement where they will be a constant painful reminder until I force myself to go through them. That will not be soon.

The cosmically funny part of it all this is the sharp contrast between these survival weeks and our healthy times. During our non-sick weeks we had wonderful holidays, birthday parties, and participated in my best friend's beautiful wedding. We go out and have a great time as a family. I've even been cooking like a goddamn chef -- no frozen food! When we're healthy, we do well, joyful even.

Generally future health and happiness gives me something to look forward to, but this minute it feels like a sick joke. Toddler Flails-a-lot has a sinus infection and will be missing her best friend's birthday tomorrow. Last week she was on steroids. Today she's on an antibiotic and I'm praying she can sleep. As I said, morale is low.

Next week will be better. Hell, tomorrow could be better. Every moment is different. Hope this one passes quickly.

Monday, December 30, 2013


Been sick for most of December. Now we're off to Maui!

Blogging will begin again mid-January.

Happy Holidays!

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

The thud-thud-thud-thud-thud of little feet

I was going to write you a post about Spain and chocolate and awesomeness, but it is 9:45pm and our child has gotten up for the second time tonight to demand food. How she can eat dinner then three bowls of rice and now a giant banana I do not know.

Toddler Flails-a-lot has reached a new milestone: she is in a big girl bed! Which basically means we've lowered our special convertible crib to it's 'toddler' setting (i.e. near the floor) and then removed one of the sides. Now she can climb in and out at will and is officially a big girl.

Really she's been able to get in and out forever but she only recently started applying that knowledge. She would climb out of the crib, get her books/animals/whatever and climb back in. We hear the resulting thuds of her flinging things into/out of her bed. Occasionally, she stomps to her doorway, cracks the door, peeps out, then shuts it firmly and fully and goes back to bed. We find her in a sea of toys every morning.

She worked out how to use the corner of the crib to lever herself up and then brace herself so she can lower her legs slowly over the side until she can stand. She did the traditional climb from the middle of the crib--the one where they just pull themselves up and over until they fall on the other side--twice, scared the crap out of herself and didn't do it again until she developed a safer way to do it. Toddler Flails-a-lot is a full engineer, just like her daddy, and doesn't take foolish risks, just like her mommy.

We removed the side of the crib this week amidst much fanfare and encouragement. She has a whole new night system now. When we tuck her in she yells "BYE! BYYYYYYYYYYYYYE! BYE!" until the door closes. Occasionally she gets up, opens the door and repeats, "Bye bye, Mama" until I acknowledge her then she hulk-smashes the door shut and goes back to bed and sleep.

All of this was cute until tonight which has been nothing but demands for additional stall-so-I-can-stay-awake-forever food. She keeps this up I'm going to wake her up at the crack of dawn saying, "Hello baby! Hellooooo baby!" over and over and over again.

Baby Hercules and the serpents
Baby Hercules and the serpents via Kate in the cupboard on flickr

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Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Toddler velocity defies the laws of physics

You're thinking, "Oooh, she means how they move at the speed of light?" And you are wrong. Toddlers are frequently the slowest creature on the planet. Snails and turtles live whole lifetimes in the span of time it takes Toddler Flails-a-lot to fasten her seat belt or put on pants. She's almost three so these are things she MUST do herself.

You want to support a toddler's independence and it is damn difficult to do anything for them while they are screaming "I DO IT!" in your face and struggling wildly. So you let them do it (whatever it is) and by the time they are done the Social Security checks are rolling in and you're thinking about retiring to Boca.

This week, for instance, Toddler Flails-a-lot received a much overdue haircut. The stylist conveniently forgot to tell me she only accepted cash or check. I should have known since the only customer I saw had to be eighty years old. She paid with a poodle check. The bank was only six blocks away and I thought it would be good exercise for the two of us. A little sun, a little stroll, enjoy Northern California's winter.

Except toddlers only have two speeds, sprint and mosey. She moseyed. At first it was all fun and stories and educational asides about plants. After twenty minutes it was me trying to not scream and fantasizing about duct taping her elbows to my belt loops so I could drag her the rest of the way.

Before you have children, you think about all the different things that will be challenging, but somehow "keeping pace with them" never enters your head. Also "not throwing my daughter in a pit of wolves while laughing maniacally" was nowhere on my list. But there you go, sometimes parenting is nothing but watching their brains and bodies develop while having delightful conversations about trains. Other times it's suppressing internal screaming over stupid, silly things.

I gave up on life after the first thirty minutes and relaxed into the new pace my life was taking. We discussed the dogs and cars and people going by. The stylist was paid. I even picked up a snack and store owner gave her a free treat for being cute. She fell asleep while I was pulling the car out of the space so I ate her treat. It was delicious.
John Martin's Book, The Child's Magazine--Article!
Unrelated holiday cuteness via Finsbury on Flickr.

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Thursday, November 28, 2013

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving 2013Super fast ipad drawing to say,

"Happy Thanksgiving, everyone everywhere!"

Toddler Flails-a-lot

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Let the Holiday madness begin!

Thanksgiving 2013
Getting gussied up for the big day around here! How cute is my kid?

We started out with a small three person Thanksgiving but somehow got to twelve people. I went shopping at SIX stores yesterday and now hate all of humanity. These are some of the many "exciting" things that have made me become a barely there blogger. Sorry about that.

Tomorrow will be epic: four pies, a most giant turkey, eight side dishes, more ice cream than can be imagined, many bottles of bubbly and two toddlers!

I will now prepare by cleaning the house and watching the Hunger Games. That should set up me for a nice restful night of sleep. No all.

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Thursday, November 21, 2013

Comic: Only brute force kills ants

The Hub was tortured twice by the incident I told you about yesterday. Once when it happened and then again when I backed up the initial sketches for the strip. I titled the file 'sexytime'. The computer pinged Hub to let him know a new file had been uploaded. He saw the file, got happy, and opened it, only to be greeted by the cookies AGAIN. Those cookies were not his friends.

In other news, it has begun of rain here in sweet Oakland. I can hear all of you non-Californians groaning and saying, "Boo hoo, my face froze and fell off last week." To you, I say ANTS! ANTS! ANTS!

My friend JR had the following experience:
SUludong ants and JR strip
Scared the crap out of her. Now she has to feed a giant glowing ant twice a day. She did not want another pet.

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